


My Not-Boyfriend’s Bird Is A Spirit, You know, From The Underworld

by Outdated_Meme



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: F/F, F/M, Gen, M/M, Original au, PLEASE pay attention to archive warnings, characters die but like... not?, garyls a cat btw
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-11-11
Updated: 2019-12-29
Packaged: 2021-01-27 19:15:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,975
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21397264
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Outdated_Meme/pseuds/Outdated_Meme
Summary: There's some Important things to keep in mind:1.) Many people from the Overworld are extremely distrusting of anyone from the Underworld.2.) Relationships between realms are considered ‘taboo’ but not illegal.3.) There are special people whose career it is to help charter people back and forth from either realm.and 4.) Taako thinks the Underworld isn't that bad.☆ Updates will be much longer after the first couple of chapters
Relationships: Angus McDonald & Taako, Barry Bluejeans/Lup, Julia Burnsides/Magnus Burnsides, Kravitz/Taako (The Adventure Zone), Lup & Taako (The Adventure Zone)
Comments: 11
Kudos: 26





	1. It’s Not My Damn Bird, Susan

There’s the Overworld, where all of the living creatures reside, and the Underworld where every living thing is sent after they die. Strangely enough, creatures are very easily able to move from each side. Originally, when these portals opened up, the various governments of both Faerun’s Over and Underworld took these portals very seriously, researching them in great detail, and quarantining them off. However, because death doesn’t remove people from others's memories, there were ‘Crossers’ or people who got through to the other side, whatever side that may be. Throughout years of these portals existing, seeing that they weren't going anywhere, bans were lifted on portals, and specialty jobs were opened to help transfer people back and forth between the realms safely (not that the first means of transporting when without a hitch). The living and the living dead reside in which ever side they'd choose. Unfortunately, it doesn't make everyone understanding of each other.

Personally, Taako didn't see what the big deal was. For instance, his twin sister was obviously crushing on a dead guy and his friend Magnus was still dating Julia after she died and came back. The on;y problem he's ever had with the dead, was with this weird spectral avian that invaded his home. Or at least Taako thought the bird was a ghost.

He... received... it about half an hour ago. He heard his shitty apartment neighbor, Susan, scream outside. At first, Taako thought Angus accidentally scared her again. It was a tad bit understandable considering the young, fancy lad is technically dead (In the boy's defense, other than the small gash on the left side of his face, you wouldn't be able to tell). The only strange thing about that was that he wasn't expecting to see Angus today. 

Taako ignored the panicked shuffling and strange cawing for as long as he could. After about twenty minutes, someone loudly knocked on the door. He whined in annoyance and ignored it intil more knocking sounded. He got up and opened it with a dramatic swing. 

“What?” Taako snapped, one arm resting on the edge of the open door, the other one resting on his hip. 

Susan stared at him. Her dark brown, slightly graying hair looked disheveled. She was hugging a shoe box closed against her chest with her arms that had uncharacteristic scratches along the front and sides of them. Taako noticed that the box itself was jostling around. Susan opened her mouth to say something, but was cut off a strange, gurgling croak that rose in pitch. She clamped the box tighter, Taako’s eyes widened as took a large step back.

“Your bird was  _ terrorizing _ my  _ son _ .” 

The elf’s brows knitted in confusion as he crossed his arms. “My what?”

The box jolted again as she thrusted it into Taako’s arms. “Your bird. A crow or something.” 

Taako scoffed, moving his body away. “Nice try,” he said. “It’s not mine.”

Susan scoffed back with a faint, stressful laugh. “You’re the only one around here that lets dead things in your house!" Taako narrowed his eyes at her. "First that one _boy_-”

“Don’t talk about Angus like that.” he retorted. While he was quite protective and downright defensive when in came to the curly haired kid, he still denied caring about him.

“Okay, please just take this thing or I’ll throw it in the trash!”

Taako, being not entirely heartless, snatched the box away from her and ordered her to leave. Thankfully, as soon as the box was out of her hands, she spun around and left the small apartment, loudly closing the door and most likely going up the stairs outside to her own apartment. 

Since he wasn’t holding the shoe box shut nearly as hard as his neighbor had been, its lid flipped open and a black blur zoomed to the top of the china cabinet. He dropped the box and focused his eyes to the open kitchen and where the bird presumably went. The large, dark bird hopped across the top of the cabinet and repeated a shrill call at Taako.”

“Get out of my damn kitchen.” he hissed. He didn’t know anything about the bird, it could have some disease. The last thing he needed was to join Barry in the Underworld because his asshole neighbor indirectly cave him salmonella.

The bird stopped making noise as it hopped to the corner nearest to Taako, and cocked its head.

It had ink back feathers and a triangular tail, its beady eyes shifted around the room. It seemed nervous. Taako was too.

He nervously stuck his hand out, maybe to pet it. “Um, hello?”

“Hello.” The bird mimicked back, stretching its neck out to look in the elf’s palm. 

“Fucking-” Taako whipped his arm back and turned. He grabbed both, his cat Garyl (who was chilling on the back of the sofa) and his phone from the coffee table as he made his way out of the apartment. He nestled the cat in between his neck and shoulder and sat down on the fourth step from the bottom on the stairs that were adjacent to his and Lup's apartment. He scratched Garyl behind one of his ears and unlocked the slightly scuffed phone. He sent out a tweet about how his neighbor harassed him and ruined his saturday, of course adding a few embellishments here and there. After he sent it, he opened his messaging app. 

Lup clearly wasn't taking this as seriously as she should be. 


	2. Les I’m Miserable

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Taako tries the raven thing again 2: electric boogaloo  
Feat. Lup

Lup was a bit salty that she had to cut her hang out session with Barry short because of her brother’s panic attack over text, but she was quite curious about what he was trying to explain. It was certainly like him to dramatize events, but when she got a message from him with Suzan’s name in it and the fact it wasn’t in a two hundred word long text about the latest mundane thing she did that he didn’t like, Lup just had to check it out.

She pulled into the small parking garage and got out of the car. She clicked the lock button on the keychain and walked around the side to the front of the complex, where her brother was impatiently waiting for her arrival. 

After a halfhearted apology, she walked into their apartment. Taako followed, uncharacteristically cautious. Everything seemed normal when they entered and nothing was scratched or broken, so he felt safe enough to put Garyl down.

For a moment, Taako thought that the bird had left and uttered a sigh of relief. It wasn’t that he was scared or grossed out by them, he was just a bit concerned that it carried a disease or something. After all, wherever he or Lup attempted to pick up goose feathers as children, the adult that was taking care of them at the time insisted that it was ‘gross and unhealthy to have around.’.

“You better not have been making the bird thing up.” Lup accused. 

“Shut up.” Taako huffed. “I wouldn’t break up your date or whatever.” 

Regardless if her honey skin hid her blush or not, she still felt her face heat up. “It wasn’t a date. If it was, I wouldn’t have dropped everything to…” Lup trailed off.

It looked like that in Taako and Garyl’s absence, the bird had taken to perching itself down on the cat’s couch shaped scratch board. It seemed to be looking curiously at a cherry tomato that was tucked closely at its side. It also had a gold earring cuff with a small, faux emerald hanging from its closed beak. Taako recognized it as the one he’d lost a few days ago in the carpet of the living room. 

Suffice to say, Lup found the situation considerably more entertaining than Taako.

“Aww,” Lup started. “Look at how happy it looks.”

He walked over to the bird and sat on his knees a yard or so in front of it. “Hey, my dude. Thanks for finding that for me and everything, but cha’ boy’s gonna need that back.”

Before he could fully reach his hand out to grab the earring, the raven dropped in onto the scratch board. “ _ No. _ ” It commanded, before picking it back up again.

“Wait, hold up, I am  _ not _ gonna get ordered around by a rat with wings in my own damn house.” He argued, crossing his arms.

It replied with a curt ‘tsk’ sound. 

“Bro bro, the bird basically told you to go fuck yourself.” Lup managed to say in between her laughter.

Taako reached for it again and was met with the same result.

He huffed and dropped himself on the couch across from the board. He glared at the bird for another second before turning on his back and crossing his arms, pulling his phone from his pocket. 

“Okay, so what are we gonna do?” Lup inquired after her laughing fit subsided. She was sitting on the left side of the couch. Taako’s legs were resting across her lap, and her eyes were curiously sizing up the raven. Her phone was beside her on the couches arm.

“I don’t know, pizza? Maybe?”

The two sat in silence for a moment.

“About the bird, Koko.”

He looked up from his phone. “Oh, yeah, I was hoping I could ignore it and it would go away.”

She shot a look at Taako. “I get that you’re on your stage three of pettiness and everything, but it doesn’t work like that, babe.”

Taako shrugged. “I don’t know, it seems to work with the majority of my problems. Never hurts to try.”

“That’s such a wonderful mindset, dude.” She replied, sarcastically. She reached and grabbed her phone. 

“So, is that a yeah for pizza?”

Lup tapped the side of her phone. “Way ahead of you.” 

◮◭

Taako and Lup sat against pillows on the floor around their coffee table. Taako’s phone was laying flat on it’s surface while he scrolled the screen with his free hand. 

“Says ravens eat fuckin’ everything, Lulu.” He said. “Like, snails even.”

“Hot.”

“I’m being serious. I need to feed this thing so it doesn’t vore my fucking jewelry.” His eyes shifted sideways to the avian it was still happily holding his earring and a small tomato captive. “Probably, I mean. Do the dead even still need to eat?”

“Well, Barry eats.” she replied.

“Yeah, that’s because he’s weird.

Lup scoffed and gently nudged Taako’s leg with her foot from the other side of the table. “What about Angus? He eats whenever you cook.”

“Yeah, that’s because I’m a baller chef, Lulu.”

She laughed in response and took a few more bites of food.

“You think it’s someone's pet?”

Taako locked his phone and nodded. “It said hi and no to me. I’m pretty sure that spooky shit takes training. Its owner is probably a prick honestly.”

Lup turned fully to the bird. “Hey.”

She was met with silence as the bird preened its black, silky feathers. 

“Can you talk again?”

The Raven quickly shook its body, rustling its feathers back in place. The overhead light hit them in such a way that it seemed like they were made of still drying ink.

“So is that a no? Or…” Lup made a gesture while picking a pepperoni off a slice. 

The small slice of meat captured the birds attention and it fluttered towards her. It landed about a foot or so away.

“Nevermore.”

“What kind of nerd shit-!” Taako yelled, which made the bird squawk a high-pitched noise and hop back some, Garyl jumped up and gave a small annoyed ‘ _ mrow _ ’ before sulking off to the kitchen in search for his food bowl.

Lup grinned "Deadass sounds like something Lucas would teach an animal to say."

“I’m gonna have to kick its owner’s ass by principal now.”

“Taako,  _ no _ .”


End file.
